There Is No "Close to Death"
I have these fantasies of being in confrontation with an intruding agent with a gun. I thought it was my dream that I want to be shot by this antagonistic agent. Finally reaching the end.
But actually... now that I think of it, I always dream of overpowering that agent. Being so close to the end, yet always ultimately coming through thanks to a profound energetic intervention from above. That "closeness to death" is exhilarating.
Can you say you were ever "close to death" though? Perhaps you thought you were, you felt the fear, but is it possible to be "close to death"?
You're either out of the dream or not. "Close to death" is a story people love to pride themselves on, subtly to themselves or more often explicitly. There is only a consistent flow of reality which was never disrupted in your experience and the "close to death" moments of your life were the exact same as the other moments. Pure being/reality.
And "suicide survivors" are full of shit.